In projects, there is no shortage of opportunities to disagree on the details that impact the success of the project. As a project manager, these conversations are crucial to the success of you, your team, and the project. The idea of going into a conversation where you know you will not agree with your project partner can be stressful, to say the least. You might feel your heart pounding faster; your thoughts are jumbled, and even emotions of frustration and anger are rising. It is an uncomfortable situation, yet it is so common for each of us to encounter difficult problems and want to avoid having difficult conversations. But fear not! There are ways to improve and have productive conversations no matter how difficult the project can be. Here are some tips from the book Crucial Conversations. 

The first two keys to having better problem-solving conversations are to commit to finding a solution and finding something to agree on. These tips may seem too simple to address your difficult situation, but they are part of a foundation for aligning all parties to walk the same path.  

When confronted with a difficult problem, the answer is unclear, so no one knows how to progress, making it easy to get frustrated, lose motivation, or give up. At that moment, both parties must stay committed to finding a solution. Even though no one knows what that solution is yet, everyone must put faith in their team that a solution exists and stay committed to finding it. Approaching the problem with curiosity is how teams can stay on track to uncover a solution rather than digress and dwell too long on reasons why the project is in its current situation.  Although some looking back could prove useful, keeping teams moving toward a solution is important.  

While teams ask questions, finding things to agree on is also helpful. This can start off very small or even vague. These agreements will help strengthen the partnership. Look for easy things to agree on, such as, “We agree the project must be done on time” or “The current plan is not working,” and then build onto other agreements. As a side effect, it will reveal what is important to maintain and what can be flexible. It can dissolve assumptions that were made and add more clarity to the project. And as our beloved Brene Brown would say, “Clarity is kindness.” This simple exercise will focus teams on moving towards a positive relationship with each other while working toward the solution.  

These two steps do not have to be used in sequence, and teams may find it helpful to revisit each as needed. For example, embrace opportunities to find things to agree on. If that helps the team start their commitment to finding a solution, that’s a perfectly fine way to start. These skills can remove the emotional side of dealing with problems and difficult conversations and replace them with logical steps. So, remember to be tenacious when searching for solutions and work on being partners the whole time.