On Friday, I had the opportunity to listen to Edgar Papke speak about how leaders use conflict to create opportunity.  He said great leaders do three things over and over again:  create change, confront conflict and strive for self-knowledge.  Many people struggle to confront conflict.  If the leader is not good at handling conflict it will cause dysfunction.

When you think of the words:  conflict, confront and argument are they positive or negative?  If you think all three are positive you probably have a healthy approach to conflict.  Conflict is two opposing views.  Great teams approach conflict as an opportunity.  Confronting is about telling your truth.  Until you get the truth on the table you will not make progress.  An argument is a position based on fact and sound reasoning.  Creativity and innovation come from scientific arguments.  With all of these words it comes down to how you approach it.

The ability to approach conflict successfully can lead to extraordinary performance.  Not only will this skill help you in your professional life, it can also improve your personal life.  If conflict is approached in the wrong way it can lead to lack of accountability, distrust, fear, unhappiness, anger, etc.

Some common approaches to conflict that will not lead to success are:

• The need to win and to appear right

• Convincing at all costs

• Defending my point of view

• Maintaining control

• It’s my solution

• Blaming the other person

• Not accepting responsibility

• Unaccountability

• Lack of confrontation

• Withholding

• Avoidance

• Seeking unlimited affirmation

• Leading questions

• Keeping it to yourself

• Covert challenging

• Lack of inquiry

• Withdrawing

• Attacking

• …

• …

• …

How do you approach conflict?  Do any of these look familiar?  The title of Edgar’s lecture was The Biggest Elephant.  It is something that the leader is not confronting.  What are you not confronting?

I was told by one of my staff members that blogs with pictures are better.  Here is a picture of me confronting my fear of speaking in front of large audiences.  This was at the Inspiring Women Gala.  I believe it was a crowd of over 650 people.

Posted by: Betty